We have become the world's most familiar strangers

Do you still remember
that moonlit ocean outside the window
do you still remember
it was love that lit our night

Why did we later
depend on silence
The star that used to shine brightly
gradually turned into mist

After heartbreak you left,
turned around and returned to waiting
Is it because of loneliness
that we search for someone to fill in our empty hearts

We have become the world's
most familiar strangers
From today on we each go through complications individually
grieve individually

Just blame it on loving too fiercely
loving too deeply
Finally we are awake from the dream, stranded and silent, waving goodbye
yet we can't return to our spirits

If, at our first meeting, we were able to tolerate
our excited souls,
maybe tonight I will not let
myself sink into my memories

fattttttttttttttttttttttttt

why m i so FAT?!?!??!?! ergh!!!!!

i talk about you. you talk about that person.
i concern about you. you concern about that person.
what eva you told me what u feel . i feel that for you.
whateva that I THINK im suppose to know . but i dont get it from you.

since there is already a replacement , good to both of us. CHEERS =) im glad.

ya ya.my fault , my bad that makes you cry in front of your friend. because im harsh enough and did not fully utilize my brain cell to THINK before i speak. =)

so. see? how good is now right?
i cannot see any reason on the moment you pissed and ignored.

say it all out. im dramatic im full of expression.
i am. dats what made me ng su sin.

i remembered something. she's right. 2 years back. she utter these sentences from her mouth " im not like you. no matter how close we are , i WONT 100% trust you. " yet , again , i did not take that words into consideration , falling into the same trap again. LOL!!!

not im repelling you. not that i dont want to talk to you. is you that let me off. our heart WAS tied before. it was all just BEFORE.

birthday wishes...

seriouly thinking what m i suppose to get for myself during this year birthday...
after long consideration , ....
and if i could.....
i wish to have a very simple birthday present.
i want a piece of blank paper...
an automatic pen.......

not greedy right?
just two of that. would have > than enough.
to let me express what i wan to express... non-stop expressing.
jot down as fast as what my brain is processing. let it all out and never remain in my brain.

im tired.

jealousy turns hatred....

im not your true friend. because u cant even let go your worst emotion and share your bad times with me.

i am jealous. because i felt betrayed and lost in trust.

i dont know who am i suppose to talk to when i am real down.

label : not emo but depressed.

controlled but fail miserably...

i DONT KNOW HOW TO DO . i feel so miserable. im stuck with the situation. een its only 45 min during the situation... but it makes me feel like im dragging 45 years.... u wont understand the feeling unless you're in me , myself.
i hate the feeling. and i cant express out. i tot i will get over it. but it get worst
.. it affects my mood affects my emotions.
because i cant do anything much to change the situation.
T.T

i know youre human. dats y im throwing question to you. too bad, you make it ntg happen. fail . com cause its so obvious. so so so obvious until blind wan can notice it.

you're very different now. way different from last time. like u always say , MAYBE our frenship is just so shallow.

what's the point if only u und me and i dont und you? im telling you everything and you dont? its just the same as "one sided love". so.. if la you notice, i dont speak anymore. thought of giving you less burden and share some of yours with me... lol.. pls laugh out loud. cause im stupid doing so.

im used to you being with me.
used to you being so so so close with me.
not even a little gap is filling up the space.
now? even an elephant can fit into the space.
u dont speak. no nobdy can understnad you. is you yourself dont let ppl und you. and ve told u since last time.
over confident in you. not dependent in you.
it irritates me . i feel guilts when youre helping me all the time. you make me feel so worthless and helpless.
sometimes, i just hope dat theres a day i could help you.
it seems like owh. its impossible.

im just being me. getting frust up and FUCK up when u keep quite when something is wrong.
maybe im just too kepoh.
if concern towards you is something wrong , i apologize.

because u said " i no need concern".
its not me taking words too seriously. cause i dont see the point of me being a clown so care towards you. and u just said "nothing".

time flies

every time when ive been remimded that.... m already 20, haven get into my degree program, i feel really bad.. time flies.
i realise im old. real old for a foundation student. yea.. those were negative thoughts..
advice? age is not a boundaries for education. live to old, learn to old..(chinese direct tanslate). but. to those aged ppl, they been respect. me?
hm..

....
too many things going on and on...
i realise i lost myself...
questioning when is my last visit to temple and when is my last prayer?
yea. for a believer like me, i feel bad and disappointed with myself...

there's ntg stopping me.. its all discipline.
where i dont have it.
it turn worst..
when i lost my confidence.

ive changed. from bad to worse.

yet.. it dont get better now.

i really really dont know what should i do.

no solid support from family what i wanted to do.
yes! if u ignore old ppl's advice, u'll regret of it later on.

yes! you have to get a degree. as a back up or what so ever.

i used to tell all juniors. do not not not not ever give up on studies.

now??
do all matters?

everyone is going upward.
im the only one left behind.

feeling lost. no direction. been humilated since form 5.

until i enter form 6
...
this gets better...

tik tok tik tok...
1 and ahalf year past
result time?

its worst than i expected.

thoughts of getting into sabah u... getting into local uni life....
meeting mentor...
going into campus...
no more home sticking life...
independence in hostel...

everything just gone.

ntg but gone

i know. i know . i know.

everyone ask.. why dont you apply?
yea yea... answering "actually i also duno why. maybe i know im going private. i cant stay at hostel so i din apply"...


yea... believe... believe...

only me. myself know the truth.

i dont dare. not even a single dare to tell ppl dat im afraid.

im afraid to receive the news from gov dat my application been rejected cause i TL.
where TL stands for TIDAK LAYAK.

i wanted so so so so so much to get into local uni.
so so so much just to make my parents go "wow"

never fail to dream going to local uni. never.
secretly online and visit sabah local uni campus. wondering how would it be.


at the end, its just a daylight dream dats keps my time pass... day by day...
celebrating friends farewell to local uni... coming back to klang....

and... me?

non stop changing and non stop troubbling ppl...

and it makes me understand why ppl commited suicide...

the secret has been revealed at last.
i regreted everything ive done after spm. every single little thing.

i just know how to cry. which it leads me to move no where.

i cannot find my confidence. i feel so timid. even smaller than a microorganism.
dat i lost the original me.

dont be surprise if you dont meet me tomorrow. cause its part of my choice.

will update trip photo soon!!! haha

orang kurang upaya

im seriously feel dat im the orang kurang upaya. sumur it's like damn damn kurang the upaya.

i cant drive!
and i cant draw now!!!


im so so so tired !
and im really like a piece of rubbish by the side of the road.

a rotten apple.

i hate my life.
fuck it off.

nothings went smooth since the beginning.
i should't be here.

wtf you wan from me?!?!?!
ergh!!!

what's your prob?!?!?!
having a rest and holiday is a big big big big big SIN?!?!?!?!?

im born to work only izit?!?!?!??!


ergh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i said i apply to work at fragrance shop. you give me those face.
i say gift shop, you give me another face. apply dee no 1 employ.
you say i din go work!

since you all love to work rite? you all go work la!! go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

relationship gets way diff nowadays.
everything changes.
too much of revealing.
and i think its time to keep it down again.

its not something good
its not something dat i wanted.

the feeling is very different.
and i have no idea why.

23rd may 2010

its been long dat i haven update any post. lol.

bz on work,
bz on hosp,
bz on choosing uni,
bz on sis wedding
bz with alot alot of things ..

but i have no idea wat actually im bz-ing with.
day by day,
and its towards the end of may.

alot of thing keep changing..

and yea. granny getting better already =)

thanks for all the concern from you guys=)

was chit chatting the whole day. from morning until night with my granny.
she's awesome.
really awesome and funny.

when she's telling me her child hood.

from her going to school.
and then there it comes the japanese army. war is going on.
she can remember those incident very well.
and from there, she describe how she is keeping alive from those moment.

and then the end of war.
she stop her school
and start to work
until...
her mum
ask her to get married.
realy marriage
but
after few years, only she gave birth. lol!! and from there. she describe....
the first son.. how and how.
the second son (my dad) is so handsome and talkative...

so on and on....

and then about the son getting married.
and there is all the grand children comes...
and then...until now....

while massaging her hand, she's telling stories... how the feeling is been felt, no one could know better than me.

im feeling good. proud of what ive did today.

she's great and getting better =)
looking more sexier and sexier. lol

and i hope tomorrow would be better.


you. just know what i wanted to tell you.
=)
feeling bleesed

sometimes, when u're alone, in a silent atmosphere,
alot of thingswill eventualy come to your mind. and thr's a tendency for us to hve the imagination dat ...like...
u're standing out the circle and.... looking at things moving on when you're in static.


i just dont know wht to write. thr's too many things in my mind now.

too many feeling im having now.
happy
sad
dillemma
self shock
laughter
tears



all sort of diff feeling.

siting here and type no nothing.

realise

i realise. i do.
i love you than anyone else.
eventhough you treat me as a stranger.

i haven been posting since.. ages ago? haha...
but thats a thing i realise, time flies. even though theres 24 hours, but it make me feel as if like only 23.59 hours.. haha.... ok . cut the lame off..

hm... nothing much...
i just know i must
1: find out something
2:do something bout it
3:jia you on doing it.

not in a good mood actually. sigh.
yesterday is not my day.
but hopefully today is.

*will uolad photo soon.
chaoz

im. totally lost.

somebody. please tell me what m i suppose to do. PLEASE.

gosh. today is 1st of march. hm...kinda....ya.. kinda.....

okay. i dont even know what i wan to type. lol!!

weather is rather hpt recently. im getting fever and headace so kau lat.

and towards the ppl that i din reply or anything, im sorry. im not doing dat on purpose. im really busy-ing when u call or msg. so sorry for the ignorance=]

ya. of course il get moody and sad and emo this few day.
no worries. i will stand up.
AGAIN. lol... sounds like ghost...

going to be another burden for my parents and waste money again. sigh!

and currently, eventhough ive accepted the fact, i still cannot decide what the courses that really suits me and i really wanted.

its all bout money.
when u dont pay, ul study what is given.
when u pay, ul study what u believe u interested in it and which lead u to a bright future.
so, ul make every sen worth of what u've invest.


unless, ur piku prints money. and simply u just wanted to spend some time there finding entertainment , then thr's ntg much to say la.... hm.


actually. i hate this que. ive been thinking since form 5.

WHAT M I SUPPOSE TO STUDY.
totally NO IDEA of what m i going to study. sigh...

sombody... enlighted me plz.....

blank.

my mind is full of things. but at the same time, my mind got nothing.
i think i can be tears donator.
its a non stop dripping on 25 feb.
mainly because of result. and.... someextra thing which really makes me feel frus.


i become very emo and moody. i hate asing my self what i wan and what i wan to study.

i wan to graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im desperate! ya i desperate for local university

chasing lion? or lion chased???

now is 12.10pm.

845 am which is this morning ... breakfast at restsurant taman rashna.

eh???? saw lion dance apparatus. but haven perform.

so me and uncle was talking bout it. nowadays less lion dance already....

then i was thinking, if theres a lion chasing human. but it do stop bothering me... i mean that ques cause my big aunt INDIRECTLY say i "be seng mok" cause i din pour tea for her. and my sis which sit right to me, she does pour the tea for her.

damm her. irritated me. spoil my damm good mood. next time i sure pour the tea ON you but not TO you.wakakakakakakkak!!!!!



okaY... i souund bad i know.. but who cares...


so. the lion dance started...

after 10 min... the lion reach my table... uncle choose to take pic with the lion.... then give ang pau....

out of sudden. my sis suggest to ask my parents to take picture with the lion too..


dah lah im the youngest, so its very obvious that its my job to BRING BACK the lion...


*note*
IM AFRAID OF LION !!!! i do mean lion dance punya lion. but i love the drum thingy and the ping ping piang piang qing qing qiang qiang stuff...


i wanted to ask the lion to turn back. but i ver scared. so when the lion turn around, i tio chi kia. so i RUN... and the best part is, TH LION CHASE ME one round.. a big big roung of the table....

there it goes.. i started screaming and ppl start watching DRAMA...

turn out to make everyone laughed. gosh.

MENSIASUIKAN SAHAJA MAN!!!!


after all... it make me no appetite...sigh...

damm

i hate this year chinese new year. hate ast min cancel. hate last min confirmation. hate to organized anymore.

tot that organized will get to gather everyone. put in so any effort and spend so many time to do all stuff.
nobody will appreciate. NONE! NIL!

IL never gonna organized anymore. in such a busy and hurry days trying to organized thing, NOBODY wan to cooperate and put in effort. fine, its okay.

THANKS AND THIS WOULD BE THE LAS TIME.

TRY TO VOLUNTEER and help since none wanted and dont give two shit face. din give respond , las min cancel. give me face black black to see. then its okay.


wana know how tired of doing all thi thing without hoping any rewards but only hope for confirmation and attandence? try wat ive been doing then.


ya. wana mad at me being so rude then go ahead.
i also dowan give two shit anyore.


these day. fark!!!!!!



and to my dear sis in law, ths is not the first time. PLEASE KINDLY CHARGE MY LAPTOP WHEN YOU HAPILY FINISH USING MY LAPTOP WHICH IVE FULLY CHARGED!!!!!

FISH 1 KG HOW MUCH? PRAWN???

HAHA!!! i just finish post up the other post. so im here to share my feeling. but b4 dat. sorry to sheena dat i cant keep my promise. haha.

so, back early today (cause dowan see my omg boss face)
get into ar, mum tell me dad come back today.
she's bit unhappy cause my mum ask him bring SEPULUH EKOR IKAN, my dad brought back 56 kg of fish and 68 kg of prawn which catch this morning before selling it just now. haha

since its so so so alot, i ask my mum to sell to others. so, she contact few neighbours and reltives.clock strickes 730, i finise my dinner and my daddy reached. mum n i start measuring prawn. and the venue is on top of my dad car. its a frontier. mini lorry like ford car.haha...


i feel so weird cause it would be my first time to sell tose things especially with my family.really weird...


so, i end up to be the one who deliver fish to neighbour, collecting money and taking out seafood from ice box... theres a lobster too!!! REALLY BIG when i say its really big. haha.

the feeling is undescribeable.... i dont know why. but serious fun cause im ordering my dad to do things for me!! wakaka!! asing him to bring me news paper, open the door... pick up phones and etc. haha

it might looks like im cruel, but, good for him cause i help him sell and he help me do those work. muahaha. mummy is so so so busy calculating and measuring.


lol. only one word to describe. MEMORABLE!
haha... even though i smell fishy and "prawn-y"... but i love the joy.

i bet not much ppl do thing dat like what ive done just now. haha. so business end at 1030 where all the fish were sold out and medium prawn left few kg. haha.

the best part which make me angry when i heard my mum forget to keep the big prawn for me -__________-""


haaha! its okay then. il have it next time haha. the big prawn is about as big as my palm excluding the head and as fat as my palm too! haha



its an excitement to enjoy.great to share and post it here.=]


:its weird why there's a creature like dat.even though it looks pity when i hold them, but i think they feel proud cause making human and other living thing happy when having them.
may you all RIP.
thank you=]

and.....

good night1.37am-11/2/2010

title? blank

okay. actually i wanted to put up my promition for chinese new year last sat. but i end up sleeping at 2am every night cause of.... actrually i dont know i busy what. haha its actually im helping anyone that wanted their finger to look different and nice during chinese new year. got my 3rd customer ytd... finised design for her dat time was about 1 somthing. so din update blog again.

im calculating very very very SUPERB cheap where fake nail normally is rm88, i only count rm20.00 to rm 25.00 haha... see? its cheap cause im not counting workman ship payment. only count the materials...

so feel free to contact me , hope your finger nail look gorgeous!! ahha


okay.the second thing is... im really fedup with my IDIOTC JOB. it may sounds bad and weird cause previously you all maybe heard i quite enjoying that job.

ya. its only dat time. but definetely not now. holly shit my boss show her WHAT EVA TAIL was dat.

its horrible. terrible and serious vegetable.

diu. pls do not buy things over there. service no good., lan c and sumur tiau ke. plus serious look down on people. worst still, only layan rich customer. diu!!!

freaking bias. like male. dont like female.

kiam siap on salary but earn damm cickening alot!! omg.

really betahan her face. no matter how beautiful you are, you dont have the attitude.

you are not just a horrible woman. but a TOTAL LOUSY BOSS.
you deserve it lady.

thaipusam wasnt a public holiday? bare that in mind dat u're living in malaysia. not australia.

damm. she really pissed me off.

if she wasnt miss lim ex student, for the past 4 day already leave the stupid place.


let you feel the importance of me when i leave thias chinese new year.
U'L REGRET!!!!!!!

chinese new year promotion???

bah!!! im looking forward to it. give me 5 more days. il reveal to all of you. hope u'll like it.=]

not in good condition.

feel really tired the very next morning when im awake. mind only lock with work now adays. i really miss school life alot. can skip class or even school whenever we like. now. the responsibility has even be bigger.alot of unwanted thing will happen in and out on the day.

im really not feeling well today. everything goes wrong when my boss received a complain from customer. ya. the next thing is, we are the next victim. no matter what we do/done. in her eyes. we are wrong. condition get worst when she's that type of typical stubborn person. sigh. maybe, this is just the beginning.

learning to be PATIENT is a HUGE thing to take note off all the time.


i just know that everything seems to be very "pek chek" today.

i hate it alot.everything doesnt seems right.

a quick update.

two more weeks to chinese new year!! omg!
its mid nite now.tired. just back from work.
saw setia eco park boss. dream to be his wife after all with my boss. lol
shall update those picture this sunday. today is... friday. lol!
will take few picture of valentine special.
get my own laptop=]
getting fatter. wtf! haha
getting older=[
getting sleep-ier.lol




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........ some times, when thing mean to happen, there's no other any way to stop it to happen. truth is always there. truth is always cruel. just depends on how you settle it and face it.


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i wan to buy skirt-___-"""